Let's Talk 30.

I mentioned yesterday that the idea of turning thirty next year has sort of parked itself in the forefront of my mind over the last while. And it has. . . bordering on the obsessive. I know lots of people who freak out at the very thought of thirty because the idea of getting older is a horrifying one. I don't care so much that I'm going to start looking older or that there's a new number starting off my age after this. I'm reminded of an amazing mission companion I had while I was in the MTC. She was exactly what I needed, and I'll tell you why. Weeks before we left the country we were talking about all the French food with anticipation, and I expressed my determination to 'not get fat'. She looked at me and laughed and said, "But eating chocolate and pastries is happy fat, and that kind doesn't count!" My stressed-out self needed her easy-going nature more than I think she ever knew.

That's what I'm thinking when it comes to wrinkles. Just like the poundage from Parisian pastries is inevitable (ooh- lovin' the alliteration!), wrinkles are bound to happen. So I'm thinking why not embrace it and go for happy wrinkles? I plan to wear my face out with smiles and laughter and be one of those cute old ladies whose eyes crinkle up at the corners and you just want to squish because you can't help but love them instantly.

Anyway, back to the original point; the physical aging isn't what I'm obsessing over. It's more the fact that I feel like I should have my life all figured out and this overwhelming need to feel incredibly accomplished when I say goodbye to my twenties. I couldn't even tell you what I define 'accomplished' as at the moment. Besides that, the problem is this: I'm a hopeless over-achiever and a perfectionist to boot, and that means that the list of "To-Do Before I'm Thirty" fills almost four pages. Hmm. I have a feeling this won't all cram into less than a year. When he saw my ten-foot scroll last night, Ryan was sweet enough to point out that I'm sort of expecting myself to have accomplished a lifetime of goals in half the time it takes and, despite the energetic enthusiasm, maybe I should re-evaluate my ambitions.

Hence the dilemma, and hence the thinking. So that's where I am: re-evaluating my ambitions and wondering what it is I 'need' to do to feel like I can look back with no regrets.

As of right now I don't know, but I'm enjoying taking stock and trying to figure it out.

I'd love to hear your thoughts- I know there are a few of you that have been there done that, and others who haven't yet but will join me in the near future.

Thoughts anyone???